It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
