If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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