VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Send help, water and tortillas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
