Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
