Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
