Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
