im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
