someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
