Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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