After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
