I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
