I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
