If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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