Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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