It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
