I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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