Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
