The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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