it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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