My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
