Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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