and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think my moral compass just broke
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
