matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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