just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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