just tell him i said nine months
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
