Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
