Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
