If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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