At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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