Betty ford says i'm here all night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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