I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
