Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
