I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
