you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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