Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
