So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
