Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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