i already hear my dad disowning me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
