I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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