Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
