I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
