It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
