god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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