Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
