If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want her autograph on my taint
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
