He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
