Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
