he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
