when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
