sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
