Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
