Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
