so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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