bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no you cant smoke seaweed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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